domingo, mayo 08, 2005

Invisible

Before anything else, I'd like to greet my Mommy a HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

This is a card that I made for her, using my new Photoshop skills. Last year, I had given her an e-card, so I'm doing something else this time around.

After typing the things below, I realized that even when I am the one pissed, annoyed and maybe hurt, I am still concerned how others might feel. Why?!

On with the post:

*-*

I am really trying to calm myself down. And I had several attempts not to post an entry like this, but in the end, I ended up writing an entry anyway. You see it naman, diba?

See, I have a major tampo on a few people. And I know it is wrong because these people are the nicest ever, really. But I can't help myself from having a tampo, diba? Yes, I know I could use the excuse of PMS for this, but when you're infurated, you're not supposed to unleash your anger to other people. That is just so wrong. And I do feel guilty now that I'm sober. I guess an entry written while I'm sober is better than an impulsive entry, as I do not want to hurt the feelings of those I have a tampo on. But it's still so wrong!

So bakit ako may tampo sa kanila?

Sabihin na lang natin na you were really looking forward to talking to your friends again after a week hopelessly trapped. And then you're really sleepy na (plus the fact you have a wedding to attend and you need your sleep) but still you're forcing yourself to stay awake just so you can talk to them, but when you arrive, PAK! Walang tao. Nada.

Nabwibwiset ako ngayon, to tell you the truth. For others, this may not seem like it's a big deal, but I am not one of you. I felt really really bad. I felt like I was invisible, like I didn't exist at all. I hate being ignored, but I am not KSP. I just really really hate the feeling of being ignore. Hello, you guys could always say that, "Hey, I can't talk tonight..." but nothing!! No text messages or anything! I'm really pissed and annoyed. And really, it is not just now that I felt so invisible. Life is so unfair. Others get noticed all the time and some people don't.

So nagtatampo ako ngayon. But my tampos are not to be taken seriously (in my opinion), because I could never hold a grudge against a person for long. I don't want the uncomfortable feeling of being mad at someone and having someone mad at me. I may say, "I will not speak to you for a week!" but after a day, hey, guess who's talking? I can easily be won over with a smile and an apology. That's the kind of person I am. Unless of course, my tampo has a valid reason that made me so mad.

To the people whom I have a tampo on (come on, it's obvious!), I just hope that you will understand. And I will get over this tampo after a good night sleep or two. I know that I couldn't really blame you guys 'cause I realize you probably have reasons, but what I don't understand, and what hurts (gee, drama) is why you didn't just tell me. I would've fully understood. And it is not like I'm so hard to reach. I'm just here, damnit.

Look, I know I may sound way too selfish, but it's how I feel. And this is my fucking blog. Off with it.

I am so childish.