martes, marzo 29, 2005

Are You Okay?

Lately, when someone asks, "Are you okay?" I feel like snapping back at her/him. That is such a generic question that you could only answer with an, "I'm fine." Don't you notice that when you ask that question, the replies are usually, "I'm okay," "I'm fine," "I'm doing well," "I'm doing great!" when truthfully, we aren't those things. Not all of the time, of course, but most of the time anyway. And why do we do it? A lot of reasons... Mostly to avoid more questions.

I am one of these people. Many persons tend to ask me if I'm okay. And when I am in a good mood, I answer them honestly, but right now, I am in a bad mood, and this happens lately. I don't know why. I still feel pressured even though school's out and there's nothing to attend to. My mood has been changing drastically, like, a moment, you're having a fit of giggles, then the next one, you're annoyed.

Back to my original point: I am in a bad mood, and I tend to reply, "I'm fine," when I know I'm not. I AM NOT FINE! I am always in a cursing mood, I want to snap all the time, I have no one to talk to, because some people who claim they're friends do not even take time to talk to me.

I want to break down, really. Crying helps me a lot, especially in releasing emotions that I couldn't express. But for some reason, my eyes are dry, like I've cried too much. Hey, I am still a person. I am not perfect. I have my moments too.

Lately, I've been sleeping late and waking up late. I don't know, I just don't want to talk to people around the house. I want to talk to my friends, who I guess doesn't want to talk to me, or are just busy with their lives. They don't even make the effort to say hi. It's unfair.

But there is one friend. She's actually the reason I'm writing this. I feel touched because of the concern she showed me. She was asking why I'm wearing myself out and I started to reply that nothing, that I'm fine, when I realized that I'm not fine for now.

Here is what I need:

1. A good night sleep
2. A friend to talk to

Because:

1. I feel lonely and insecure
2. No one cares
3. I want to talk to a friend.

Clearly, if this keeps up, then I will become a depressive person. You want that to happen?

*-*

I have another friend. I don't know if I'm still *her* friend, because *she* doesn't talk to me much. Mostly, *she* just ignores me. Maybe *she* got bored with me. I mean, look at me... she must think I'm boring and predictable. *She* doesn't drop by like she used to, just to say hi, but I've noticed she's always saying hi to other people. Or maybe I'm just too selfish for attention. I've always been like that, you know, and it's so pathetic that I've decided to change that. But deep inside, it hasn't changed. Not at all.

If you will read my previous post, you will see that I want to be irresponsible. I want to be a child once more so that I'll have attention and people will watch over me, because now that I've grown, they mostly let me be.

My friend is perfect. My friend is talented, and everyone's attention is directed to her, not ME. I know, I may sound truly pathetic, but I let them be. I don't want to grab attention because if everyone's noticing me just because I told them to, then it won't feel right. I feel like I'm living in my friend's shadow, so that's why I'm posting this song, which I could totally relate to.

SHADOW
Ashlee Simpson
Autobiography


I was six years old
When my parents went away
I was stuck inside a broken life
I couldn't wish away
She was beautiful
She had everything and more
And my escape was hiding out and running for the door

Somebody listen please
It used to be so hard being me
Living in the shadow
Of someone else's dream
Trying to find a hand to hold but every touch felt cold to me
Living in a nightmare
A never-ending sleep
But now that I am wide awake
My chains are finally free
Don't feel sorry for me

All the days collided
One less perfect than the next
I was stuck inside someone else's life and always second best
Oh, I love you now 'cause now I realize
That it's safe outside to come alive in my identity

So if you're listening
There's so much more to me you haven't seen
Living in the shadow
Of someone else's dream
Trying to find a hand to hold but every touch felt cold to me
Living in a nightmare
A never-ending sleep
But now that I am wide awake
Then I can finally see
Don't feel sorry for me-

Mother, sister, father, sister, mother
Everything's cool now
Mother, sister, father, sister, mother
Everything's cool now
Oh, my life is good
I've got more than anyone should
Oh, my life is good
And the past is in the past

I was living in the shadow
Of someone else's dream
Trying to find a hand to hold but every touch felt cold to me
I'm living in a new day
I'm living it for me
And now that I am wide awake
Then I can finally see
Don't feel sorry for me
Don't feel sorry, don't feel sorry for me
Don't feel sorry, don't feel sorry for me

Living in, living in, living in the shadow
Living in, living in, living in a new day


I would be totally lying if I said that I don't mind she has all the attention. Anyways, I'm supposed to be happy right now, because someone just made me happy, but... yeah, I turned sad. Like I said, I just need a good night sleep, and a good friend, if I can find one. But I'm feeling slightly better, now that I've expressed some hidden feelings.

It's not that I'm like this all the time. I have good days too, but I'm having a bad day and I just want to vent out my feelings. When I have a good day, I'll vent out my feelings too.

lunes, marzo 28, 2005

Movie Fairy-Tales

I am currently waiting for some photos to finish loading. It's taking so long! They are scans from a magazine, and it's ten or more pages. Funny, when I loaded the first eight, they were so fast, like ZOOM, but now I've switched to avail the free internet, it's taking forever. It's not ZOOM. It's not ZOOM at all.

I feel different emotions deep inside me. I am a lot of things. I'm happy, I'm lonely, I'm angry, I'm relaxed, I'm brokenhearted, I'm in love, I'm alone, I have company... I'm everything, but I suppose okay is one of them.

But as of this typing time, I feel lonely. Oh, don't worry, maybe it's just one of those days when you want to be loved... when you want to be irresponsible so that you could be taken care of... when you suddenly want to go back through time, to the times you were younger and the whole family would just take care of you. I feel that way right now. I want someone-- a friend, perhaps, to whom I could share what I truly feel right now, what's inside my heart that's threatening to spill out, to whom I could cry on, because I do not feel okay right now. Not at all.

I miss someone who used to talk to me all the time. When Someone would send me a simple message, I couldn't help but smile. Even with just the simplest Hi or Hello. This Someone would wake me up some mornings just to ask if I'm okay. I lost contact with Someone a few months back, so I miss Someone. A lot. Someone would just pop in when I least expect, so I try not to expect too much so Someone would pop in. *laughs* Isn't it so pathetic? I like Someone so much, but I don't know if Someone likes me too. But Someone is really sweet and caring and thoughtful. Oh. *sob*.

PS. I would appreciate if Meg and Fiona would not say anything about Someone. Thank you.

*-*

These are my favorite love stories as of the moment. Man, I am really stuck reading and watching teenage books and movies!! My list is scary.


In Princess Diaries (the book version), Mia Thermopolis is completely head over heels in love with Michael Moscovitz, but she kept it secret from other people, especially her best friend Lilly Moscovitz, who is the sister of Michael. In the third book, Mia admitted to another friend, Tina Hakim-Baba that she is in love with Michael, but Tina does not fulfill her promises of not telling anyone because she told Lilly. To sum things up, Michael invited Mia over at the Computer Booth in the Winter Carnival where he made this special computer program for her with a poem telling her that he loves her, but Mia believed he was just making fun of her, so she ran away. At the Nondenominational Winter Dance, Michael rushes after Mia, tells her that he meant what he said, and he just kissed her.

While skipping art-class in All-American Girl, Samantha Madison saves the President of the US from being killed, so she is rewarded, of course. She meets David, the first son, who turns out to be her classmate in her dreaded art class. Samantha is convinced that she is head over heels in love with Jack Ryder, who is the boyfriend of her sister Lucy. She has this list of reasons why she is in love with Jack, which are all very ridiculous. But David falls for her, and Sam experiences this thing called frission whenever she's with him that she never experiences with Jack. Samantha managed to fall out of love with Jack, and falls for David, only David isn't that happy with her because he was disappointed with her falling for Jack. So they don't talk to each other that often, until my favorite scene happens, which is during art class. David passes this note to Sam saying, "Friends?" and then Sam starts to write, "Yes, of course" when she realizes that she wants to be more than friends, so she writes, "No, I want to be more than just friends" and David goes all, "Whoa!" and writes, "What about Jack?" and Sam writes back, "What about him?" so David draws a heart, and Sam is happy because David still loves her.


In Princess Diaries 2 (the movie), Mia Thermopolis (Anne Hathaway) has to get married to be the queen of Genovia, otherwise, the crown will go to this really cute guy, Nicholas Devereaux (Chris Pine). So Mia got engaged to marry Andrew Jacoby (Callum Blue) but she falls in love with Nicholas instead, who is trying to make Mia fall in love with him so he could get the crown. The ending? Mia did not get married, but she did become the queen. And Nicholas himself falls in love with Mia.





In Eurotrip, Scotty Thomas (Scott Mechlowicz) gets busted by girlfriend Fiona (Kristin Kreuk) during his graduation. When his longtime pen-pal from Germany, Mieke (Jessica Boehrs), suggests they meet up, Scotty thinks Mieke is making a pass at him in German. He freaks out and tells Mieke not to e-mail him again, for he thinks Mieke is a pervert. Scotty Doesn't Know that Mieke is actually a hot, gorgeous girl. Thinking that this might be his last chance at true love, Scotty travels all over Europe with friends Cooper (Jacob Pitts) and the twins Jamie (Travis Wester) and Jenny (Michelle Trachtenberg). They end up in Rome, where Scotty, dressed as the Pope, admits to Mieke that he is in love with her, so they hook up and have sex in those boxes where you confess. Three months after, as Scotty sends Mieke e-mail, there's this knock on the door, and it was his new dorm mate, who else, but Mieke, who decided to go to university in America.





In Chasing Liberty, Anna Foster (Mandy Moore) escapes from her bodyguards while in Europe. She tags along with this stranger Ben Calder (Matthew Goode), to whom she falls in love with, but it turns out that Ben is also a Secret Service agent working for the President of the United States. So Anna runs away from Matthew to go on her own. I forgot how this movie ended, but I'm pretty sure Anna and Ben end up together.





In First Daughter, Samantha McKenzie (Katie Holmes) is the first daughter in the US. She goes to university followed by bodyguards, but one day, she escaped from them with a fellow student James Lansome (Marc Blucas). Samantha falls in love with James, but she finds out that James is also a bodyguard. Samantha and James didn't end up with each other (At least, that's how it seemed to me) but the story did end with them kissing.




In Sleepover, Julie (Alexa Vega) and her friends sneak out from their slumber party on a scavenger hunt for a "very important cause" which is the "cool" lunch spot by the fountain because that's what defines you as 'cool' or 'uncool' in high-school. Since Julie has a crush on this cute guy Steve (Sean Faris), her rival Stacie (Sara Paxton) dared her to get Steve's boxers. The last item on the list was this crown you could get from the high-school dance, so Julie and her friends head there to try to get the crown. Steve has noticed Julie, so when he was crowned, he asked her to dance with him, and when they did, Steve placed the crown on Julie and says that he knew about the scavenger hunt and he wanted her to win! So Julie's team wins, and Steve and Julie went to the lunch spot by the fountain to have their kiss, but Julie's phone rings, informing her that her mother's on the way home, so Julie and her friends head home and pretended to fall asleep when Julie's mum came. The ending? Steve had climbed up the roof and stuck the crown (which fell down because Julie was rushing) outside. Julie saw it, so she climbed out of the window and was about to retrieve the crown when Steve appeared, and they had their kiss.

So how come those things never happen to me?



~

PS: You should never write movie plots while you are drowsy.
PPS: Why did I ever write it? It sorts of distract attention away from my original post, which is about being lonely. Stupid. But I am not erasing an hour's worth of plots. Nuh-uh.

sábado, marzo 26, 2005

Pointless

Home!

I spent 3 days and 2 nights in the wilderness. Oh, I mean, in the mountains *giggle*. Clearly I am having a hang-over or whatsit. My mind is still empty.

We went to this resort in San Fernando called Hidden Paradise Mountain Resort. Tacky name, because it IS really hidden. From the highway, you have to turn to this smaller road and it takes 5 kilometers to reach the resort. Have to go through rocky roads and all. I guess it's worth it, because the place is beautiful (ish). It's got three big swimming pools and a lot of, um, cottages. The ones we stayed in cost around P600 so it wasn't that big, but it's okay.

We reached the place around two ish, and we went swimming. Super hassle if you want to go to a specific pool because they had these ridiculously made stairs. But it's okay. They also had this fish pond with a big floating cottage, which I never got to ride, but it's okay.

We stopped swimming around five ish, and then after we all took showers, BROWNOUT!! Hmph. To think there was no generator in the resort. Brownout for two hours, until they announced that the electricity would be back in the morning *horrified gasp*. Spent very uncomfortable night between mum and Nico in a small bed. Many flies and mosquitoes. Ick. I didn't mind though, must be my so-called sense of adventure, but it's okay.

In fairness, I saw the sun rise. My sleep wasn't straight because of the mosquitoes and because of Nico's kicking, so I was roused around five or six, and I saw the sun rise. So beautiful. :) Fully woke up hours later, for the rest of the day, alternating eating, swimming and watching DVDs.

I watched Eurotrip while I was there. Very very funny. Haha, I'm having a LSS to Luster's Scotty Doesn't Know. Wee-hee. Also watched 13-Going-On-30 and Mean Girls.

Some other family members also came over for lunch. And that night, no brownout! Yay! Uh, anyway...

Saturday, woke up at an ungodly hour, 8am! Went swimming after a breakfast of a tuna sandwich and C2. Ahahaha. Had lunch, checked out, went home, and here I am. I wish I had pictures to share. I tend to tan pretty badly because I have fair skin, so good thing I'm not that tanned. Maybe a little peachy pink.

So there, that's how my little escape from city life went. End.

miércoles, marzo 23, 2005

Dreams

1. 2 hAv my 0wn caR.... s0 i can g0 werEvr i wnt 2! :p
2. 2 hav a pLane>>> travel round d world!<<<
3. hav maGicaL p0werZ!
4. reacH d skY wiD my haNds!! ++ haha ++
5. waLk 0n d laKe, lYk jeZus ^_^
6. bE a pRincEzs and liV in a biG2 paLaz wiD my 0nE trU luv
7. ~*~*~lEarn 2 pLay d guitaR n dA piaNo!~*~*~
8. haV a maGic carpEt rYd wiD my aLadDin!
9. ///// hAv a scuLptUR 0f mYsLf \\\\10. pAinT sumtHin dAt wiLl maKe me Famuz!
11. bec0m a p|r8 {s0 i cN traveL acr0s d sEas!}
12. >>mIt aN aNgEL!<<
13. diSc0veR a cuRe 4 cancR!
14. b iN 2 pLacEs @ 0ncE... lYk a waLk 2 reMembER! ;)
15. bUiLd h0meZ 4 dA h0melEss!
16. -=-=-bE bEnjaMin mcKeNziE's girLfriENd 4 6 m0ntHs!! -=-=-
17. g0 ouT 0n a d8 wiD bRad piTt! tEe-heE! hE's cUtE aNd sinGLe n0w!
18. 4 mY s0nGz 2 bE faMuz!! iM a s0nGwRitEr u knW!
19. fInD 0uT iF caViaR iz riLy yucKi!
20. ``EaT waT i wAnt w/0 gEtInG fAt!``
21. ExPEriEnz sn0w 'cuZ dErs n0 sn0w iN d pHiLz!
22. g0 2 c0LlEgE in paRis! ..o0 la laa..
23. wrYt a bEsTsELLinG n0vEl dAt pp0L wilL neVR 4gEt!
24. bE miss uNivErZE-pEtiTe! haha!
25. [ | [ 0wN mY oWn iSLaNd! ] | ]
26. hAv mY pRiV8 fRanChisE oF HaaGeN daZ... wh0a!
27. hAVe mY 0wN c0ncErT!!
28. sEe aRiEL d mErmAiD iN pErs0n
29. g0 2 dIsNeYLaNd!!!!
30. sLidE a raInBoW str8 2 a p0t oF g0Ld!
31. )))g0 2 d m0on(((
32. * * *rEnAmE d n0rTh sTaR aFtR m0i * * *
33. vIsiT m0na liSa iN d l0uvRe!
34. +++ mEeT mY fAiRyg0dm0tHeR s0 shE caN tuRN mE in2 cINdErELla na wiD gLasS sLipPeRz!+++
35. bE a hEr0!
36. lEarN 2 spIk fRenCh... jE t'aIMe
37. >>mIt a maRtiAn!<<
38. bUngEe jUmP... hEHe
39. bE d 1sT laDy 0f a c0unTri... ;)
40. rUb a b0TtLe -> mIt mY gEniE-> hAv mY wiShEs gRantEd!
41. uSe d iNtErnEt wHeNeVR i wNt!
42. {haV mY 0wN cD, m0vI aNd tV sh0w anD mTv}
43. hAvE wiNgs s0 i caN fLY lYk a bUtTerFly
44. g0 2 eIFFeL t0wEr... i riLy hAv a tHinG 4 fRanCe nO?!
45. hAv a sh0pPinG spReE in nEw y0rK.. wh0a, guCcI, cHaNeL, pRadA, sus daMi!
46. waLk oN d rEd carPeT in mY own m0vIE prEmieR!
47. ---bE aN anGeL aNd maKe sum1 hApi!!---
48. w0rLd peAcE, bEcuz n0 matTer h0w haRd wE prAy 4 iT, it neVr comz tRu!
49. 2 bE kiSsEd bY my 0ne tRu luV
50. gEt maRiEd & lIvE haPiLy eVeR aFtEr wId my pRincE cHarMing...

I know, that is so not me to type like that. Sorry to Fiona, who hates people typing like that *tee-hee*

Be leaving town for a few days. Just leave messages, you know how! See you!

martes, marzo 22, 2005

Tres Hilarious

Man, I really do have this unleashed temper. I need to get a life, seriously. But I managed to unleash that fury in my xanga. I didn't want to post it in here because people might get the wrong impression, but my xanga's less frequented. Now I'm practically adertising it. Stupid me. Ate J, and I myself, lost count of the F word there *giggle*

I realized that sleep works wonders. Since this week, I've been sleeping all the time, and I slept five hours earlier. AND I'm sleepy now. I've noticed my skin became less oily and clearer (Well, not that it's oily and unclear). Hahaha. I wasn't used to it at first. Maybe it's because I haven't been getting enough sleep for the past few months because of school (Not the internet, okay?!). This year has been way tough for my taste.

Some of you had the pleasure of receiving this in the mail from me. But I'm posting it anyway. Very, very funny. I'm saving this to my computer so that when I find something new, I can update it. Hehe. :)

Greatest Love Of All
"I decided long ago, never to walk in Edu Manzano..."
(I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadow...)

Cry- Mandy Moore
"A walk to remember... it was late afternoon..."
(I'll always remember it was late afternoon...)
~The irony.

All My Life- K-ci and Jojo
"Supposed to be you're like my mother, supposed to be you're like my sister..."
(Close to me you're like my mother... Close to me you're like my sister...)

Where is the Love- Black Eyed Peas
"People killing, people flying, children hurt and living, crying..."
(People killing, people dying, children hurt and you hear them crying...)
~People should really stop their fantasies of flying. You need an airplane or a parachute to fly, duh.

Leaving on a Jetplane- Chantal Kreviazuk
"So kiss me and smaffle me..."
(So kiss me and smile for me...)
~I found this funnier. It really does sound like smaffle, lol!

My Boo- Usher and Alicia Keys
"It started when we were younger, you were nine..."
(It started when we were younger, you were mine...)
~Um... moving on.

If I Ain't Got You- Alicia Keys
"Some people want tambourines..."
(Some people want diamond rings...)
~Another one funnier than the rest of the lot. Compared to diamond rings, why would people want tambourines? Doesn't make sense- haha!

Baby One More Time- Britney Spears
"My only nest is killing me [And I]..."
(My loneliness is kiling me...)

Crush- Jennifer Paige
"I-splash, a little crush..."
(It's just... a little crush)

Californication- Red Hot
"Viva Californication..."
(Dream of Californication...)

No Scrubs- TLC
"A scrub is a guy who thinks he's fine but is also known as a Bus Stop"
(A scrub is a guy who thinks he's fine but is also known as a buster)

Waterfalls- TLC
"Don't go Jason waterfalls..."
(Don't go chasin' waterfalls...)

Your Body is a Wonderland- John Mayer
"You're Alice in Wonderland... You're Alice in Wonderland I'll use my hands"
(You're body is a wonderland...)

Baa Baa Black Sheep
"Baa baa black sheep, heavy on the road..."

With a Smile- Eraserheads
"Lift your hand... baby don't be scared of the things that could go wrong along the way..."
(Lift your head...)

Wag na Wag Mong Sasabihin- Kitchie Nadal
"Maaaaaaaaaag... magdamag mong sasabihin..."
~C'mon, this song is practically on everyone's ears, tama ba naman na di mo pa rin alam ang lyrics?!

On Bended Knees- Boyz II Men
"Oh God give me the reason... I'm down, abandon me..."
(Oh God give me the reason... I'm down on bended knees...)

Anima Christi
"Soul of Christ... sat beside me..."
(Soul of Christ, sanctify me...)
~Tee-hee. This is a song always sung at the school. I'll never sing it the same way again.

I added this, though it's a bit, um, vulgar. But when most of my friends heard this for the first time, they totally thought the song went that way!

Big Yellow Taxi- Counting Crows feat. Vanessa Carlton
"They paved paradise, and put up a fuckin' lot..."
(They paved paradise, and put up a parkin' lot)

And this one, I got from my friend, Eramm, in the mail. Hahaha, Pearl and Judee are going to have fits when I tell them about this!

Weak- SWV
"I get so weak in the knees I can hardly speak I lose all control and something takes over me, in a day (daze) and it's so amazing, it's not your face (a phase), I want you to stay with me... "

Mwahahahay...

domingo, marzo 20, 2005

Psychological Problem or Mood Swings?

3:30 in the mawnin'.

This is a song I wrote. Please do not select it, right click, cut and copy that. Respect my rights as a songwriter, would you? Or maybe since right click is disabled, copy the whole friggen' thing. Puh-lease.

26 Saturdays
by me


It's not the first time my Saturday went like this
It has been a routine to wake up feeling something was amiss
Things haven't been the same since I last felt your kiss
Oh no, I've been empty, I've been lonely, I've been unhappy, I've been pissed

Don't you ever miss my comforting touch
Accompanied by a soothing voice telling you it's way too much
Don't you ever long for my warm, tender embrace
And telling you I'm with you in whatever you face

I guess you don't realize it's been 26 Saturdays
Four thousand three hundred sixty-eight hours
And a hundred eighty-two days
Since I woke up alone
I know I'm not strong
I need someone like you to be with me when the days go wrong

It's been 26 Saturdays since I've last heard from you
Life's been hard since the day you were gone
I guess it's only right that I should move on
Even though I know it'd be hard to carry on


So, whatcha think?

I'm still awake and I don't blame myself. Been to slumber party at Meg's house yesterday and we slept around the same time crimping each other's hair and playing Taboo. Actually, I did the crimping and Meg, Sam, Fiona, Kimi and Tanya did the playing after we watched Princess Diaries 2 while eating burnt popcorn (Meg's fault- ha ha ha!) and drinking Cali.

Woke up half past six 'cause some of us had to go home early. It turned out that Fiona was the only one to go 'cause her 'rents were fetching her, but we all had to wait for Kimi's driver before we go. Went home around ten. Had shouting match with Uncle Owen because he doesn't care if he shut off the friggen' computer wrong. He has to care because my other uncle who's fixing the PC warned us that we better develop the habit of shutting down properly 'cause our PC's nearly broken. Dozed off for three hours after I slammed the door.

Wonder what exactly my problem is. I've been turning into a meanie *gasp* lately. This all started with our thesaurus-derived teacher, whom I had an argument on the first day of finals. Got myself into trouble because of my being mean. Well, she did piss me off. Follow my brother and my uncle. So yun naman pala, that's why my throat hurts. I'm turning into a bitch. My bad.

But the weirder thing is that now all that stupid bitchiness of a crap is gone, for I am happy. Smile smile. I'm not joking, I really am in a good mood and if I'd have to face my thesaurus-derived teacher, my uncle and my brother altogether, I would not totally yell at them. I need to smile. The world needs smiling people like me *giggle*. I'm smiling. Stupoid, stupoid. I think I'm really funny when I'm not. Ha ha. My moods are really weird. I guess it doesn't matter now, because I am tres amusant. At 3:42 in the morning. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

I love the world. So very much.

Gotta go, my eyes hurt, for no reason BUT I am not sleepy.

Have a blessed holy week, everyone!

jueves, marzo 17, 2005

Want...to...kill...someone

But that's purely out of inis. Why kill someone you love?

See, I told you guys I'm hotheaded.



domingo, marzo 13, 2005

Hmm...

For some reason, I can't see anything on my blog right now. But I guess it's just me, since some of you guys were still able to post comments and shoutouts. I dunno why.

That's not going to stop me from blogging, of course. Hmm, let's see. Went shoe-shopping today. I searched for ballet flats, but it seems that there's never a size for me. Most of them are 5 1/2 onwards, and I am 5 *grumble*. Even persuaded mum to take me to Robinsons, because there weren't in Ayala. And oh, guess what? Found no ballet flats there. Oh, curse the girl with the small feet. Someone should invent Feet Enlarging Pills or something. And I don't know why the Chinese like to bind their kids feet so that they'll be small. I mean, hello!

Speaking of which, HELLO by that local singer (His name slipped from my mind just now) is stuck in my head. It's like this OPM song which has Kris A. on it. Don't know why it's stuck, but it is. Hmm...

Anyway, back to the flats. So I found nothing. I settled for these ballet look a likes, but they're just slip ins. And they're flats. And they're white. Better than nothing. I felt this urge to, just, like, buy something. I refused going home with no shoes. Weird. Hmm...

I'm supposed to fix Fio's blog tonight. Something about her own Haloscan's HTML. But I don't know, I just blanked out and didn't know what to do. Don't worry Fio, just need a good night rest. All that shoe-shopping tired my brain cells out, and they need to recharge.

Oh yeaaah, it's summer. Did I mention that? Oh, yes I did. Thinking about having piano lessons. If I succeed, move over, Alicia Keys. Why piano? Hmm... because mum just bought us a piano and it'd be a shame to let it go to waste.

Tomorrow, will be recording in Star FM for play. Please pray for us.

Hmm... I'm bored with my hair. I easily get bored with stuff, like cellphones and blog skins. And to think I just had my hair cut. I'm really weird. Though, I have a new look for this summer. I call it pulled-bangs, because I pulled my bangs away from my hair and secure it with a clip (see photo below). That's already an achievement for summer right? Still, want to get my hair cut, and I don't want those boring layers anymore. I want something wild, but what?

Oh, oui, this is me. This photo, sporting my achievement so far, was taken Friday morning, um, 4:38 a.m. to be exact. Was taking study break, since I started studying 3:30 a.m. Wee, don't I look sooo sleep-derived? All those eyebags, baby! Hope they'd be gone next schoolyear. And the photo? Tres amusant...



...ish.

Time to end the post, wasting too much time babbling. But before I do, would like to say hello to my real mum (not you, Meg), who has been reading my blog for who knows how long. I only read her email about it yesterday, and I'm really embarrassed because I find my entries here stupid. But thanks anyway, mum. Love you. And if you want to say hi to me too, well, you can click on the Comments linky below or just pop a message into YM. :) And you know what, mum? You should start your own blog too, though I don't see you doing it. Oh, well.

Have a good week, everyone! Cheerio!

sábado, marzo 12, 2005

Random Stuff II

1- My exams are finally done! Over! Yes!! Now I have luxurious months filled with nothing but bliss. Hmm, just what am I to do this summer? Oh, go to the beach of course. We're having an out-of-town trip in April. Just hope it'd push through. I could also take summer lessons or land a summer job. Or I can play sports, so I'll lose those pounds I managed to put on. About my tests, well, Blodge was the hardest. Damn. But the best part of all? FOR MONTHS, I DO NOT HAVE TO LISTEN TO LECTURES FROM THIS TEACHER WHO DEFINITELY NEEDS TO TAKE GRAMMAR LESSONS!!! I am so, so mean.

2- I am sawa of McDonalds. Don't get me wrong, the food is awesome but if you'd been forced to eat McChicken for three days, someone's bound to get sawa. Really.

3- Finally bought the book I've been looking for! It's P.S. I Love You by this Irish girl who's the daughter of the Irish Prime Minister. I read it today. In fact, that's all I did when I got home! Awww, so touching! I love it. A lot.

4- I can't understand why some people just can't help but butt in other's business. I hate it when they break into my privacy. Can't they just keep to themselves? After all, I do not even invade their privacy, so why should they invade mine?

5- I can't believe this. After school, practically every one went to Ayala or out to lunch somewhere. So boring. C'mon, what's so special about malling?! Oh, I did not go to Ayala or out to a celebratory lunch with my friends. I wasn't invited, and it'd be rude if I just invited myself along. Besides, what's the friggen' point? I want to curl up for the rest of the day in my room anyway.

6- Watched The Bachelor 5 tonight. I got so irritated!! Why did Jessie Palmer give that beeyatch Trish a friggen' rose?! Why is he soooo blind to see the true Trish? I mean, hello!! She hates kids and she's a gold digger and she slept with married men! How could a guy marry a person like that?! I am so annoyed. As in.

7- Songwriter mood tonight. Want to write a song titled 26 Saturdays. Don't ask. But I'll get around to doing it later.

So, TTFN my dear chummies!

jueves, marzo 10, 2005

Random Stuff

During the past 24 hours, I discovered that I...

1- ...am ill-mannered
2- ...am irritable
3- ...am annoying
4- ...am fiery
5- ...have nerves of steel...
6- ...but I tend to cry easily
7- ...easily get furious
8- ...hot headed
9- ...maldita by nature
10- ...am taklesa

...when provoked.

Thanks a lot.

~

Finals Finished:

1. Computer (Chicken!!)
2. Math (Chicken!!)
3. Religion (Chicken!!)
4. English (Chicken!!)

Upcoming Finals

1. Science 1
2. Science 2
3. Health
4. Social Studies
5. Filipino
6. Home Ec.

~

Currently Listening to: Ashlee Simpson

~
END OF SCHOOL COUNTDOWN as of 1:20 p.m. March 10, 2005: 70 hours

How many minutes is that?

lunes, marzo 07, 2005

Um

Sick! Perfect timing huh? With finals and all. *Sniff* I got the flu, but with my nose, it comes out as "fwoo," haha.

Anyways, I got *sniff* over what happened last week. I'm actually feeling good, despite the fwoo. I should just be thankful that *sniff* Miss Jumillier gave us another chance. See, I tend to over-react on some things, but I just get over them. Pasensyahan niyo na *sniff* ako.

viernes, marzo 04, 2005

Drama Queen

I feel so frustrated. I feel so horrible, like I'm the meanest, most horrible person in the whole world.

We had the production yesterday. I felt so nervous, with homicidal bees on my stomach. A part of me felt that way, and the other felt assured things would go all right. We practiced this for several weeks, heck, even two months. And as we prayed, I felt this blanket of peace enveloping me, and I calmed down for thirty seconds.

It started out well, except that a few people commented that Fiona was talking too fast. Fiona is the narrator, who has the most speaking lines. I actually admire her voice because it sounds so nice, even though she tends to cough at times. And then towards the end, IT happened.

What COULD HAVE HAPPENED to a play where so many hours were used to almost-perfectionalize it (Huh?)? Okay, our stage manager Kimi and the musical scorer Faye got distracted, and they changed one of the CDs too late. After the "Minahal mo ba ako?" scene, THE MOST DRAMATIC PART OF THE PLAY, the wrong sound effect got aired on. All of a sudden, all these sound effects came out, causing the audience to laugh. It wasn't just Fiona who tried not to laugh, but she did. Everything fell apart.

Okay, so I did laugh. But I dropped to the floor and started crying then. Almost all of us were crying, me, Pearl, Kimi, Faye, Meg, Fiona, Chai, Dixie... All of us were on the floor. It totally hurt and frustrated us. Imagine all those hours, those free weekends when we could just be at home or out at the mall.

Miss Jumillier talked to us after she shooed the rest of the class out of the AVR. She gave us her comments, that she really, really loved our story and she was recommending it to others. She loved nearly everything about it. She told us the good points. And she gave us another chance, the week after exams. Now, I don't know if she was doing this out of pity (Heck, the bloodshot eyes told it all), but for a teacher like Miss Jumillier, it was really nice of her to do so. This time, we're going to a studio.

The whole group is not blaming anyone at all, but I do feel guilty. See, I had burned the wrong sound effect wrong on the CD and I didn't realize it. And it wasn't a rewritable CD. If I had burned the right one, I would have saved Kimi Bee from CD changing.

If I weren't so damn lazy and careless, I could have burned the right effect. If I'd been paying attention, I would have saved the entire production. I guess it all points down to little me.

I hate this.